This week we will talk about child care and how finances are handled as pertains to “women’s roles” in the home.

As we mentioned earlier, in the 50s and 60s women primarily stayed home and took care of the home and children. The husband worked and made the living, and in many cases, controlled the finances. In 1995, 76 percent of women of working age worked outside the home, up from 50 percent in 1970 (faqs.org-gender roles). Today, that figure runs even higher, with some estimating as high as 90 percent. With the increased presence of women in the workplace, have old attitudes and behaviors changed?

An article entitled “Gender Roles” on faqs.org states, “Due to (accepted) gender roles, women—even if they work full-time outside the home—are still perceived as having the primary responsibility for taking care of home and family. Generally, if a child is sick and both parents work, it is the mother who leaves the office, picks up the child, and stays home until the child is well enough to return to school.”

Dee Dee Myers (I referred to her book at the beginning of the series) says, “Regardless of whether they have paying jobs, women still spend significantly more time taking care of the kids and managing the household than the men in their lives. I know I do, even though my husband does most of the cooking.”

Can two parents truly share the responsibilities of home and family? How does a modern couple maintain balance at home—put dinner on the table, do laundry, feed and bathe the kids and still have some time for each other and themselves?

Out of the 100 married women surveyed, 28 percent did not have children or their children were grown. Some chose not to answer the questions on child care. Of the ones for whom these questions applied, I received the following answers.

As to who disciplines the children more often, 53 percent said it is shared or 50/50. Fourteen percent said the husband is primarily responsible for the discipline and 31 percent said the wife disciplines more often.

Thirty-nine percent said taking care of the children is shared or 50/50; 5 percent said the husband takes care of the children more often; and a whopping 50 percent said the wife takes care of the children more often or most of the time.

Fifty-seven percent of the wives said their husbands will take care of the children while she goes out somewhere once in awhile or often; and 18 percent said he never or rarely takes care of the children while she gets a break.

Unfortunately, I inappropriately worded the question, “Does your husband ever babysit for you to go out somewhere?” I received some interesting comments.

“Our kids are grown,” said one woman. “We don’t need a babysitter, except for my husband.”
“Babysit is such a crazy word to use,” said another. “They’re his. You don’t babysit your own kids.”
And she is 100 percent correct. The husband and wife had these kids together. They are no more hers than they are his. No matter how they chose to divide up spending time with them or seeing about their needs, it needs to be 50/50.

“Marriage Facts” on About.com says research shows that regardless of what advance plans and promises couples make or what their past task-sharing arrangements have been, the burdens of childcare and housework fall primarily on mothers once the children are born…couples find themselves backsliding toward ‘traditional’ marriages roles, whether they desire such roles or not.

The article states there are three basic models for sharing parenting roles: Egalitarian- where both parents share equally in childcare and domestic tasks; traditional or reverse traditional (Mr. Mom)-where one partner is the primary stay-at-home parent; or modified traditional-where one partner has primary responsibility and reduces work schedule to accommodate their parent role and the secondary parent helps out.

Regardless of how you decide to divide tasks, the article states, team decision-making and commitment to your joint efforts is the key.

What about finances? Are we making progress in this area?

An article entitled, “Marriage—Tying the Financial Knot,” on About.com states that disagreements about finances is the number one cause of divorce.

“So getting these issues out in the open and coming to an understanding before marriage can greatly increase your chances of staying out of divorce court,” it reads. “If you are stuck on one way and your partner is stuck on another way, you are headed for trouble.” But many couples fail to do this. Many still cling to the traditional role there, also. And that is fine with some couples as long as they both agree.

Myers offers hope in this area, also. While progress has been agonizingly slow, she says, especially in the area of equal pay and opportunity, in other areas it has been swift, if not always steady.

“In 1967, married women in Texas couldn’t control their own property or their wages,” she said. “1967!”

Again, some of the answers I received on the survey were interesting, entertaining and a few even saddening.

“My husband brings home the money and we go together and pay bills,” said one wife.

“We have separate checkbooks and my husband pays certain bills and I pay others,” said another. (Hey, if it works!)

“I don’t have a clue as to the bills and finances,” wrote yet another. “He doesn’t like me to do it.”
And on the opposite end of the spectrum, “He doesn’t even know how much his pay check is. He asks me for money.”

How did the survey measure up, statistically speaking?

Twenty-nine percent of wives said their husband controls the finances and handles the checkbook; 36 percent said the wife does; and 47 percent said it is a joint effort. Thirteen percent did not answer this question.

As far as making decisions on purchasing items and budgeting, 9 percent said their husband makes the decisions; 3 percent said the wife does; and (hooray!) 75 percent said they do it together.
In many cases, as indicated by the wives, it is a matter of personal preference whether one partner primarily makes the money decisions or pays the bills rather than a control issue.

My assessment?

It would appear we are lagging behind in the child care and parenting area (although we are making progress), but from a financial end, things seem to be going pretty good. At least, as far as the ones I surveyed.

Next week, we will wind up the series with results in the area of women going places on their own and a summary of the series. The summary will possibly include some comments from men on the subjects talked about.